Rolling with the punches...

I tell ya what, my life in the recent weeks have gone from the pits to cloud 9 and back down... It seems to be a trend. A trend I don't like because it's taking it's toll on me. Physcially, emotionally, I just can't handle anymore. I can't sleep very well, I just don't have the zing for life that used too. I feel all blah. Why do I allow my feelings to control me like that? Is it wrong? Is it wrong for me to give my everything in relationships, in pretty much everything i do? I'm a risk taker. That's what i do. I take a risk in alot of things. Relationships is one. I like to take a risk because you never know where you will find the diamond in the rough. The one that people stepped on, scratched up, ignored, thrown away, to show them they're worth, they're value in life, to bring a smile with just a simple message or a hug. I just get angry at times to see beauty slip though my fingers because of the pains in the past. Not angry with her, but the people that have cause the pain. Honestly i just have a billion thoughts going through my head. Questions that keep me up at night, questions that keep me unfocused. Maybe I should move away. Seems like people in bigger cities notice and chase after nice guys. Here... psh... it's a joke. A nice guy can be inches from the lady and she couldn't tell the difference. Either that or she knows but is too scared of actually falling in love. Thinking that it could be the end of the "fun", but little do you know, it's only the begining my dear. The real fun starts when you share life with a person you that can make you laugh, smile, and even give you a shoulder to cry on. I don't know... maybe i live in a fairly tale? Maybe I'm too nice? Maybe be I am too much of excatly what she may want and that scares her? Ahh.. the maybe's, could be's, should be's, and might be's... That is why I like to take the risk... Atleast I would know. No doubts, no regrets...weather it fails or succeeds, ATLEAST you know. Such is the fee of a nice guys.

Alone

I harbor a pain inside,
I feel like i'm the only one denied.
Someone for me to love?
No! Only people who like to shove.
Darkness surrounds my soul.
Like a burning coal it stole.
My confidence, pride and joy.
My life slowly became coy.
I feel claustrophobic from the fear.
All i can do is let out a tear.
Why oh why does this happen to me?
I guess that's got to be a nice guys fee.

Sandor Nemeti