When it rains it pours...

I don't know what's been going on with me lately. Maybe a little more bold or maybe something else. I've been blut, more then normal. Maybe because im just sick of the "fake" junk. Also lately my life has seemed to be so disorganized. Disorganized with friends, family, me, seems like everything and every aspect. I really want to move away, go to a big city, find a good job, and forget everything. Keeping what i've learn from life and going somewhere to start fresh, new, clean slate. A few weeks ago it seemed like my life was taking a turn for the better, but all it was, was a allusion. I know what my heart wants, but can't have. I know what i want to do, but don't have money to do it. How can you feel someone so close as if you can reach out and touch them but yet feel like light years away? Blah, I'm going to bed.