seems like it's gonna rain

Man, I tell ya what, there are time with work it's just in limbo... don't really want to start something because it would mess up a bigger project. But at the moment seems like work is going to be stinken busy and i love it but at the same time am exhuasted from getting to this point. It's worth it though. I love to see customers faces light up when things start falling into place and looking like what they had imagined.

On a side note, I was doing horrible with devotion and started doing it everynight. Trying to at least. I know i won't be damned to the eternal firey pits of hell for missing a devotion. My Father in heaven is more gracious then that. The thing is I just noticed myself falling into a trend i didn't like and now seeing myself getting back on track. I also wanted to that man of God that a lady would be looking for. I just feel so ready of a lady of God also. I feel it inside. I don't know if any of you know what im talking about, but if you ever felt like you were going to recieve a reward and you got it. That is how i feel, just before you recieve the award. Man, exciting time it is. Please pray for me though and those that know me, pray for you know what. That God will give her guidance and peace of mind on her desicion. I know what i want to happen but may God be the one that is the focus and help her decide which ever it may be. I hope it's the one that i've been praying for as well as others, for a very very long time. Seems like a selfish thing to say and pray for but I don't think so. I love how God works things out. It may seem like things are going through the crapper but some way some how God turns things around and lets the sunshine. The thing is what would our lives be with out a little thunderstorm here and there, right?

Anywho, I gottsta go to work tomorrow helping a friend out with my brother. Shouldn't take long so i'm hoping tomorrow will be a short day and i'll, hopefully, be able to pick up this person and have a blast like we always do. Peace out!

Day Dreaming?

Seems like the older i get, the more i realize people become more negitive about life. I on the other hand am more optimistic. I like to look at the good side although acknowledging the bad. I do recognize that there are bad things and sides. I just prefer looking at the positive. That's how i am with my dreams that i have in my life. Sure im getting older but with age im coming closer to my dreams. I have some big dreams and the problem i've been running into is that some people just frankly don't care about my dream. These are friends that i figured would be supportive but they just look at me like im day dreaming or something. All i gotta say "HEY! Atleast i have dreams and goals that i want to achieve besides when will i eat again and how long can i sleep in. I don't tear them down when they tell me their dreams. I actually support them and encourage them. The thing i have concluded from some peoples reactions is what i believe jealousy. Don't know why, to tell you the truth, but i'm sure i'll find out one day. Anywho their negitive feed backs won't discourage me from reaching them. I've reached 2 things on my dreams and goals list. I'm still shooting for the rest. Slowly but surely i will get there. Seems like age helps it along not to mention friends that do encourage all help. Word of advice... Stick to your dreams and you will one day see them come true. Through the good and the bad times. The only thing that can kill your dream is you. So keep that chin-up, smile and reach for your dreams.

Superman Review

Well i will say it was a good movie and i did enjoy it. I do recommend watching but it's a long one. 2 hours and 37 minutes long. There are a few things that i did notice that just annoyed the pee out of me. One that was very obvious is his hair. Ges... what is it with his little curl in the front? Not to mention his hair all flaping in the wind when he's flying and when he stops his hair is all fix and gel back? The others i won't mention because it will ruin the movie. Oh and seriously, come on people... who can't tell that he's superman with his glasses on. COME ON! That is the most retarded hidden identity ever! Anywho, go and enjoy a good flix, i'm not saying it's perfect but it's enjoyable. Especially if you have someone to enjoy it with. Night night.

Kelly Clarkson: Beautiful Disaster (LIVE Early Show)

Wow... she wrote a song about me. How sweet. :)

Superman, sweeet!

I going to watch superman tonight. Got me some tickets, gonna get some popcorn, gonna a drink and Bam! Watch the movie. SWEEET! If anyone want's to go grab a ticket and join me for superman. Tonight at 10pm. See you there I hope!

Intresting to say the least

Well, i must say I had a blog all typed up and for some reason my firefox froze. Don't know why but i guess that post wasn't meant to be. It's intresting how some things are prevented from me posting. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe there a high being at work. Like a "blog guardian angel" hehe. No bigs, i'll just rewrite it another day. I'm gonna go to bed at this time. Once again it's 2:43am... seems to be a normal occurrence. :(

26-4 victory

Zoom in on the picture to see it more clearly.


Well i must say another victory on a difficult map. HUGE win. 26-4 us. I got accused of hacking once again...lol. wow, bunch of kids. I should figure out how to load my demo's on here so you guys can see. hehe. We're still a new team but we're growing and getting better. Good example is that map contra. We scrimed hard teams in cal-main, guys that were undefeated all week. And when match time came we kicked butt. Glad the team pulled it together. Feels good to see things fall into place and strats being excecuted well. We did make some mistakes but we learned fast from them and came back stronger. GG to my team, very proud of them.

A bit dusty...

I sit here at 3:26am staring at my monitor. Thinking. Seems like the best and worst time for me to think is at night. I was sitting here pondering on what to say. Guys i honestly just don't have a flippen clue what to write. Things that i want to share it's hard for me to put it in a post without tearing up. I just want to share so badly but i keep it in. That's what i do. I keep alot of my emotions in and sometimes vent here and there, but mainly they stay inside.

I found myself going back and relying on my faith everyday for the last few weeks. It's strange, to be truthful, because i always thought i did but thinking about it tonight seemed like i haven't as much as i thought i did. Don't get me wrong i still do and have relied on faith but sometimes it seems that we put things on the self and let them decay. Maybe it's time for me to dust it off and put it to the test on a few questions. Regaurdless of the answers, favorable or not, atleast it would be answered.

To sleep or not to sleep...

Up late once again. I know it's not healthy and such but i just can't fall asleep unless it's later. For some reason my mind starts running in a billion different directions and I just can't stop thinking about things. More importantly it's my personally life that i think about. You know the should of's, could of's, the did I do something wrong?'s. I don't know. At this point i would like to run away somewhere where it's not the springfield. Some where, where i'm not know. Too many people know me here. I should go to a big city. If you don't know me in person you probably think im a emotional wreak. To be honest, I'm not, i'm just in a slump you could say. I think im a very stable person. Everybody has their ups and downs, you may just be reading my downs. If you want to read some of my ups go to the begining of my blog and read. You might get cheered up. :) Anywho, a vacation is calling my name. But where? I had one planned to go to florida but i'm not sure what to do. Should go or not? Time will tell.

intresting...

I honestly don't know what to write and how much. So most of the feelings I have will be kept to myself. I probably have some people that are reading this that will not completely understand the situations and will just take this or that and get the wrong idea. I really don't understand either sooo... I'm stinken confused and really left in a really ackward place. Soooo... what makes it intresting is how much should i write and what to write? I haven't decided yet and who knows i might just stop the blog.

Once again

Well tis the season to be powning lalalalala la la la la. CAL season started back up and joined a new team. We have our ventrilo, private server, public server, and forums all paid for. I think that's an awesome deal! The only thing now is to get paid to play. That's coming up soon i hope. Anywho we lost our fist match bad. But I wasn't on the team and neither was Terms (aka coady) and they didn't practice or go over strats. BIG mistake. 29-1 for the other team. I was able to sign on the roster after they reopened it that wednesday and started to go over strats, nades, flashes, where to plant etc. Anywho we won that match 25-5, big turn around. I think we will do well now since we're actually practicing and running strats. I'll keep you guys posted. :)

Red meets Blue

You guys are probably are sick and tired of reading of my downs but trust me i do enjoy life. This is, obiviously, one way for me to express myself. Anywho, thanks for reading and baring with me through all the times of my life. I hope that you guys keep reading. I'm going to try write more. Lately i just couldn't guys. It's hard for me to write when I'm thinking about a billion things and yet it's about one person. I must say it is tougher then what i thought. It's hard for me not to think about you and our conversations. I do miss them. Withdrawals you can say. hehe. i miss the texts, and i do look at my phone when i wake up and when im at work, hopeing to have a text of good morning. Those definately made my days 1000x's better. You are missed no doubt. Strange how life puts people in different places wishing that you could be else where.

Rolling with the punches...

I tell ya what, my life in the recent weeks have gone from the pits to cloud 9 and back down... It seems to be a trend. A trend I don't like because it's taking it's toll on me. Physcially, emotionally, I just can't handle anymore. I can't sleep very well, I just don't have the zing for life that used too. I feel all blah. Why do I allow my feelings to control me like that? Is it wrong? Is it wrong for me to give my everything in relationships, in pretty much everything i do? I'm a risk taker. That's what i do. I take a risk in alot of things. Relationships is one. I like to take a risk because you never know where you will find the diamond in the rough. The one that people stepped on, scratched up, ignored, thrown away, to show them they're worth, they're value in life, to bring a smile with just a simple message or a hug. I just get angry at times to see beauty slip though my fingers because of the pains in the past. Not angry with her, but the people that have cause the pain. Honestly i just have a billion thoughts going through my head. Questions that keep me up at night, questions that keep me unfocused. Maybe I should move away. Seems like people in bigger cities notice and chase after nice guys. Here... psh... it's a joke. A nice guy can be inches from the lady and she couldn't tell the difference. Either that or she knows but is too scared of actually falling in love. Thinking that it could be the end of the "fun", but little do you know, it's only the begining my dear. The real fun starts when you share life with a person you that can make you laugh, smile, and even give you a shoulder to cry on. I don't know... maybe i live in a fairly tale? Maybe I'm too nice? Maybe be I am too much of excatly what she may want and that scares her? Ahh.. the maybe's, could be's, should be's, and might be's... That is why I like to take the risk... Atleast I would know. No doubts, no regrets...weather it fails or succeeds, ATLEAST you know. Such is the fee of a nice guys.

Alone

I harbor a pain inside,
I feel like i'm the only one denied.
Someone for me to love?
No! Only people who like to shove.
Darkness surrounds my soul.
Like a burning coal it stole.
My confidence, pride and joy.
My life slowly became coy.
I feel claustrophobic from the fear.
All i can do is let out a tear.
Why oh why does this happen to me?
I guess that's got to be a nice guys fee.

Sandor Nemeti